In search of a baby ug

Decisions Decisions

2007-09-25T08:02:00.001-05:00

so we decided not to go ahead with the amnio. We weren't going to take any action so why risk it. My last appt my Dr., who is growing on me by the way, was not there so I saw another Dr. let's call him Dr. pushy. He pushed me to have the amnio and changed my next appt to be with him. don't worry i changed it right back. ; ) he also spent longer untangling the ultrasound cords then he spent on the actual ultrasound. Didn't check measurements, heartbeat or anything. Let's just say i will be making sure i don't have to see him again and he is NOT delivering my baby. I go back to see my doc next Tues. I am fine, work is crazy busy and sucks! I can't believe we are at 15 weeks already. It is so amazing....I feel so very lucky.

this is not good

2007-09-12T09:40:00.001-05:00

i knew it was too good to be true.....

Dr.'s office called with the result of the first trimester screening and my chances of having a baby with down's syndrome were 1 in 133 and after the test they are 1 in 22. The decision I have to make is whether to go ahead and have the amnio and with it risk a miscarriage or just forge ahead.

what to do? what to do?

Week 13

2007-09-06T14:41:00.001-05:00

I can't believe this is still happening and so real.

We had the Nuchal Transluncency today and everything looked great. Homi is measuring right on target and has both a neck and nose bone and those are good things. He (I am just referring to the baby as he we don't know for sure yet) is actually starting to look like a real baby. Mr. Ug came too and I had the ultrasound tech let us listen to the heartbeat so he could hear it for the first time :). He wanted a recording...he is so cute....although he would hate that I referred to him as cute he says "babies and puppies are cute" lol.

I am feelling quite fat. I don't really look pregnant yet and all my weight watchers buddies are looking at me sideways in the hall. Especially now that I am not joining the next session. I just don't feel the need to shout it to the world yet and all my coworkers will know soon enough. Clothing just does not look right....pants are not an issue b/c I purchased a few pair and a bella band however what to do about shirts. 90% of my shirts don't fit and the few maternity shirts I have look stupid b/c I have no belly yet. Any suggestion??

The P Club

2007-08-22T06:38:00.000-05:00

So I had another appt with Dr. Serious yesterday and two really cool things happened. 1. The ultrasound was all outside of my body. No more dildocam Yay!!! 2. I got to hear little Homi's (the nickname we picked short for Hominid) hearbeat. It was surreal. I can't believe there is actually a little baby growing inside of me. Later Mr. Ug asked me if I felt better yet and I do. Not totally ready to join the P club and probably never will be however, I am feeling more confident that we might finally hold our baby ug in March.

All is well.....

2007-08-10T07:04:00.001-05:00

So the second appt went well. Dr. Serious is growing on me. We have the same pulmonologist. Baby ug is fine. Heartbeat was 187 and measurements were much better. We could see the head and arm buds....couldn't really see the legs b/c baby is at the very top of the sac. I go back on the 6th for the Early screening ultrasound. I am doing well except for the extreme exhaustion. I go to work and then I am done for the rest of the day. At 9 weeks I already need new clothes. Everything I own is too tight. I have gained 6 pounds since before the IVF which doesn't seem like enough to make all my clothes too small. Hope all you ladies have a great weekend.

Now What?

2007-08-07T09:08:00.001-05:00

I had my first OB visit last week. I will call her Dr. Serious. She seems ok so far. She is willing to let me forgo the amnio and cvs if I want due to the increased risk of miscarriage and my history. She is also willing to let me do a vbac however I am not so sure I want to risk that either. The good thing is she has a sonogram machine in her office and I will get one every visit. The bad thing is the machine does not like my uterus, it is tilted backwards or something. The baby's heartbeat was 140 but the measurements were off so i go back tomorrow. She was very matter of fact and not very reassuring that things are ok. Her dating and Dr. G's dating differ by a few days. She has me at 8 wks 3 days and according to Dr. G I am 8 wks exactly today. I am very nervous about the appt. I am spotting a bit today although there have been 3 or 4 days over the last 3 weeks
where I spotted a bit so I am trying really really hard not to freak out and just wait for the appt tomorrow.

It;'s official

2007-07-25T07:14:00.001-05:00

I am 6w 1d today and there is a sac and a flicker of a heartbeat. We are overjoyed. No more words....maybe later.

Twilight Zone

2007-07-16T12:55:00.000-05:00

First the important stuff:

2nd beta 637
3rd beta 1366

1st (ob!) ultrasound 7/25

I feel like i am living an old twilight zone episode. saturday and this morning when I went in to the re for the blood draw all the nurses were smiling and giggling and saying congratulations. I wanted to tell them ok SCREAM for them to stop. Tell them that didn't they know who i was and only bad things happen to me and i learned a long time ago that positive beta doesn't always equal baby. I don't know I guess I should be more excited I just can't allow myself that luxury right now. maybe some day.....

The easy part is over..... or is it?

2007-07-13T06:53:00.000-05:00

sorry i haven't been keeping up...i have been too busy having a nervous breakdown. However,
at 12dp6dt the number is 321. Next beta is saturday. I am happy with that and trying not to get caught up with what if and what's next.

Mr. Ug is convinced that it worked and my shitty tubes were the problem before and while i can agree for the 2 ectopic for the other m/c's not so much. So again i feel like i have the weight of letting him down on my shoulders.

Now for the freaky friday the 13th it could only happen to me.

This morning I was walking to work and some asshole on a bike screamed at me in spanish from behind me. I think he was hitting on me? Well there was a hole that looked about 1 or 2 feet deep to my right and i jumped in to get out of the way of the lunatic and my left leg went into a hole up to my mid-thigh. I am scraped and bruised really sore and freaking out that this might cause a problem. Let's hope the day gets better and not worse.

Here we go.....

2007-07-03T20:38:00.000-05:00

Transfer was saturday. We had 6 embies make it to blast and transferred 3 and froze the other 3. The embryologist said they all looked so good that he had a hard time ranking them. After the transfer Dr. G said "now don't go having triplets now" and we were like now you tell us. As if! We will be lucky if one decides to stick around.

I went in today for E2 and progesterone and they want me to take Estrace.....Amy thinks that is the drug that made her crazy. Let's hope I have better luck. I am already out of my mind as it is.

I am out of work until monday...wanted to stay home and relax....work is really crazy right now so I didn't want the extra stress.

Beta is next thursday...wish me luck!

Finally some good news

2007-06-28T07:18:00.001-05:00

7 embies have made it to day 3 and Dr. G says he wants to take them to blast so transfer is re-scheduled for saturday. The bad news is that now I have to go back to work. Boo! Is

"my ass hurts from the pio shots" a good enough excuse to stay home? I wish!

Oh well....back to the grindstone.

My eggs are plucked

2007-06-26T06:48:00.000-05:00

So Dr. D "plucked" my eggs on Sunday. Yes, "plucked" is the technical medical term that he used. 17 of them and 8 fertilised. Transfer is wednesday. I am still a little sore and tender. The PIO shots were not as bad as I expected however there does seem to be a bit of soreness/bruising at the site the next day. I am just glad it isn't as bad as I thought. I went to the pharmacy and got 25 gage needles and I think that is the trick. Well I am wishing all you ladies peace and luck and I will be back Monday.

Lucky Number 10

2007-06-18T07:27:00.000-05:00

I went in to Dr G today for the vampire crew and dildocam...10 follicles between 12 and 15. Yay! Looks like retrieval will be later this week.

Interesting how showing my lady bits to what seems like hundreds of strangers over the last 5 years has changed me. I asked for a cover because the nurse forgot to leave me one but when the nurse fininshed the ultrasound I jumped off the table to dress before she left the room. Also last week at acupuncture I removed my undies...luckily for my acupuncturist I remembered to put them back on.

Well gotta run to a meeting....ugh.

I suck.....

2007-06-15T07:00:00.000-05:00

Sorry I suck at keeping up...

It has been super busy at work. It is day 8 of stims here and for now I am on 5 units of Lupron, 300 gonal-f and 75 repronex. There seems to be a lot of twinging etc in the belly area for the past few days. I saw Dr. D yesterday....I so don't care for him. He only said there were lots of follicles but they weren't very big yet and that was ok. I go back saturday...which is good.

I am not sharing this with grandaddy (since his bitch wife decided to email my whole family and hers too and i don't even know them... to tell them about my last ectopic and tube removal in an effort to get sympathy for herself...I hate her) we are having a big father's day lunch on saturday. I was worried the retrieval might be then and I would have to lie to get out of it.

Anyway I will check back in on Monday when i have more to say. I must get to work on the eight million things i have to do.

Happy weekend :)

needles and needles

2007-05-30T06:39:00.000-05:00

So it's day 20 here and i gave myself the first shot of lu.pron last night. Not so bad really although after I first put the needle in there was an instinctual want/need to pull it right back out however, I made it through. No real issues either....no redness or burning or itching so that was good.

I go tomorrow for my 3rd acu.punture session. Not really sure if that is making a difference. although interestingly enough there seems to be a bit of optimism and maybe a bit of hope here. I don't mind either it's nice feel like this might actually work this time :) Dr. G says his goal is to really turn our luck around. (you know it is bad when doctors start telling you that you have bad luck)

Well must do some work now...i have gotten sucked back in to reading a bazillion blogs a day and not being very productive. Have to keep the job so the insurance will pay for IVF... heh heh

Back on the wagon

2007-04-12T11:59:00.000-05:00

I have been trying to write this post for about a month and haven't been able to get through the long version so I will give you the quick and dirty. Thanks to Amy for getting me into just writing it already :)

So, I know it's been a very very long time. We were taking a break from trying and I was trying to pretend that I was normal :) In February I had an ectopic pregnancy that burst they had to remove my tube. It was an awful horrible experience including hours in the ER, a hospital room nearby to crying babies, and bruising so bad I could not wear clothes for a week.

We are now beginning IVF #1. I am excited and terrified.

If at first you don't succeed.....

2006-09-18T10:14:00.000-05:00

Lots has been happening over here and most of it is not good.
I have now gone through miscarriage #4. It sucked and I have not yet recovered emotionally and am not sure I ever will.
My only IRL infertile bitch friend has left sunny Virginia for happy Connecticut. I am sad and lonely. Never a good combination. I am so very happy that Amy and Howie have had their dreams come true --baby on the way, new job and house near home and family. I feel so left behind though.
So as Mr. Ug and I begin down the long road towards IVF #1 and I am an emotional wreck and we are in the same fight we have been having forever it seems. See I live in Virginia and he lives in Maryland. I have always felt that eventually we would move in together after my now 20 year old daughter and her my 2 year old grandson moved out. Well, they moved out about 8 months ago. I feel like he is blowing me off. He dose not want to talk about it and actaully told me last night that I should be happy with what I have. The whole point of us having a baby was that we were gong to do it together. I am angry and confused and emotional and have said lots of things I shouldn't have like maybe comparing him to the useless thug father of my grandson and wanting to be "weekend dad".
I know that if I was in a better place emotionally it would probably be a non-issue and I would be happy with what I have. I just need a little reassurance and he is not giving it to me. This is not new I do not refer to him as my caveman for no reason :) He has issues with emotions. I. just. don't. know. what. to. do. Stay the course and go ahead with the IVF or put it on hold until we resolve this and take the chance that the contract will have ended and my insurance run out by then.

Sorry for the rambling nonsense.

Anyone had a hysteroscopy? I am having one on wednesday--FUN!

Here we go again

2006-08-14T14:42:00.000-05:00

So we have been taking a break from trying and i have been taking a break from blogging.
This morning i woke up at 5 am and realized that i am late 3 days late. So I poas....there is a very faint line. So I go into Dr. G's and get in line for the bloodletting.

They call.......24. F**king 24.....

they think it is either another miscarriage or another ectopic.

i go tomorrow for an extra sensitive ultrasound to see where it is.

Life sucks....

Countdown

2006-07-07T11:57:00.000-05:00

5 the number of pregnant women in my office.

4 the number of years we have been trying.

3 the number of miscarriages i have had since ttc with Mr. ug and the number of women on maternity leave.

2 the number of women on maternity leave that have had baby #2 since we started ttc and the number of women pregnant with an "oops baby".

1 the number of broken hearts i have.

after learning about pregnant woman #5 today at lunch i shut the door to my office and cried for 20 minutes until my asshole officemate busted in without knocking.

why does this have to be so hard.....why?

The big bad black hole

2006-07-05T12:11:00.000-05:00

Is beginning to consume me......and I hate that. I hate what this whole process has done to me. Even Mr. Ug is saying I am taking his job as the grumpy and pessismistic one.

So the appt with Dr. G went well. He believes I ovulate too soon and that is why the IUI's did not work. He says I ovulate when my Estrogen hits 200 and that is waaay too soon. He is suggesting we add L*upron into the mix to fix this problem. We are attempting to get approval to go ahead with IVF and if not we will do another IUI first.

A Question for the Internet

2006-06-26T07:56:00.000-05:00

Thanks to all of you who stopped by and left your thoughts. I am ok. Still here. Still frustrated. The getting pregnant part is what I can do. The staying pregnant is my problem. So why isn't this working??? I have an appt with Dr. G tomorrow. We are going to discuss moving on to IVF. So for those of who have done IVF I have a question for you.

What questions should I ask? I know we will have to get special approval from our ins. They require 3 failed IUI's before you can move on to IVF. My insurance is kick ass and covers it all so other than cost what else do I need to know? My company is based in Boston so I have full coverage on all procedures. I am so lucky to have that otherwise there would be no options. I also know the retrieval is like the procedure Dr. G did to aspirate the cyst. Thanks to Amy I know about the joys of the IM injections. I just don't want to miss anything or forget anything that might be important.

Thanks, you ladies Rock!

It's official

2006-06-20T16:07:00.000-05:00

IUI #2 Failed. I have no other words right now.

POAS Updated

2006-06-16T07:42:00.000-05:00

So I couldn't take it anymore and this morning I POAS.

Negative.....

I already feel the signs of AF on her way. Cramps, headache, bitchy.

Beta is Tuesday however, I am sure AF will come first.

This sucks.

UPDATED***Mr. Ug sent this to me today and I laughed so hard I cried and almost peed myself.

Enjoy

That dreaded time again

2006-06-08T07:15:00.000-05:00

The IUI was done on Tuesday. Went much better this time than last. Last time my cervix wouldn't cooperate and they kept stabbing at it trying to get in. OUCH! Also, I haven't had the I am going to die any moment cramping like with the last one either. Maybe this is a good sign?

Anyway so it is done and now we begin the dreaded 2WW. The lucky day is the 20th. It is my brothers' birthday so maybe that is a good sign? My office orchid also had 3 buds and 2 are ready to pop any day....another good sign? The fact the iui was done on 6/6/06 a bad sign? I know, i know, i am a crazy girl.

So any suggestions on how to make it through? I am probably THE most impatient person. Mr. Ug always says "you never like to wait"....and this is true. Me? I like that instant gratification stuff. Waiting two whole weeks seems like 2 years.

The latest

2006-06-01T13:47:00.000-05:00

So yesterday I took a cab to see Dr. G. It turns out the cabbie and his wife are also patients of Dr. G. Funny how in a few short minutes total strangers are relating our infertility woes and sharing both our pain and hope for the future. So I'm Keeping the 2 vials of Bravelle each evening and Back to Dr. G on Saturday. He also assured meS that I did not say anything compromising during our chat last weekend :)

Last nites injection hurt like hell....not sure if it was the wrong spot or the way I pinched the skin or what however, it was not pleasant at all. :-(

That's all for now

Goodbye Cyst, Hello Bravelle

2006-05-30T09:04:00.000-05:00

On Saturday I went in to Dr. G to have a big cyst aspirated. Evidently I am a chatter box even under anesthesia. The nurse informed me I had a chat with Dr. G about IVF. I guess that must be where I want to go next. Let's all hope it doesn't come to that, we will see. Mr. Ug is concerned we are scheduled now since I had this long chat with Dr. G about it :) I started the Bravelle injections sat nite and go back in tomorrow am for bloodwork and ultrasound.

The story

2006-05-26T15:12:00.000-05:00

I'm 36 my caveman Mr. Ug is 43. We have been together for 6 years and in search of a baby ug for 3+ years. We had no idea when we began to try for our own baby ug that the road that we would venture down would be so difficult. We definitely didn't plan for everyone around us including my own 18 year old daughter to get a baby before we would. We are cursed with unexplained secondary infertility". After 3 early miscarriages we have moved into the world of injectables and are starting IUI #2.