In search of a baby ug

I'm 38 and my caveman 45. We have been together for 8 years and in search of a baby ug for 6+ years. We had no idea when we began to this journey for our baby ug that the road that we would venture down would be so difficult. We are cursed with unexplained secondary infertility. After 6 early miscarriages-- and two ectopics complete with tube removal and 2 failed IUI's, we are starting IVF #1.

Monday, September 18, 2006

If at first you don't succeed.....

Lots has been happening over here and most of it is not good.
I have now gone through miscarriage #4. It sucked and I have not yet recovered emotionally and am not sure I ever will.
My only IRL infertile bitch friend has left sunny Virginia for happy Connecticut. I am sad and lonely. Never a good combination. I am so very happy that Amy and Howie have had their dreams come true --baby on the way, new job and house near home and family. I feel so left behind though.
So as Mr. Ug and I begin down the long road towards IVF #1 and I am an emotional wreck and we are in the same fight we have been having forever it seems. See I live in Virginia and he lives in Maryland. I have always felt that eventually we would move in together after my now 20 year old daughter and her my 2 year old grandson moved out. Well, they moved out about 8 months ago. I feel like he is blowing me off. He dose not want to talk about it and actaully told me last night that I should be happy with what I have. The whole point of us having a baby was that we were gong to do it together. I am angry and confused and emotional and have said lots of things I shouldn't have like maybe comparing him to the useless thug father of my grandson and wanting to be "weekend dad".
I know that if I was in a better place emotionally it would probably be a non-issue and I would be happy with what I have. I just need a little reassurance and he is not giving it to me. This is not new I do not refer to him as my caveman for no reason :) He has issues with emotions. I. just. don't. know. what. to. do. Stay the course and go ahead with the IVF or put it on hold until we resolve this and take the chance that the contract will have ended and my insurance run out by then.

Sorry for the rambling nonsense.

Anyone had a hysteroscopy? I am having one on wednesday--FUN!


Blogger Alli said...

Pick me! Pick me! I've had one. It really wasn't so bad. Of course, I was totally out, but I felt fine afterward.

Good luck - and I hope you are feeling better soon!

4:18 PM  
Anonymous Nikole said...

I've been away from blogland, and I'm just now catching up on everyone. I'm so sorry for your recent loss. I hope you have some clarity on your relationship with Mr. Ug and on where to go from here on the fertility front. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss.

12:45 PM  

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